My heart has been very heavy since you left. It was sudden, unexpected, I mean one doesn’t sit around and think that on the day that you would have made someone you love so proud is the same day you will be told they are no longer there. I mean how? why? This was supposed to be your moment to celebrate! you were supposed to here while we danced with joy, I know you were a calm and reserved person, but this would have at least broken a dance from you.
You had sacrificed so much for me to get there. You always showed up when called upon. Your words of wisdom always linger in mind almost 2 years on. As I write this, I think I just started to accept that you are not coming back. I have been a shell all this time my appetite gone, the desire to see tomorrow and even to talk to those who are still here gone. This wasn't how it was meant to be i had prayed that you would be there in y next big steps. I had really hoped for these moments.
I found very hard to go back to where we laid you to rest but I know the few times I have been there you still bloom even from the ground you still show out how kind, generous, beautiful inside and out you were (wow I still find it hard writing in past tense). They told me it would be well, but I didn't know it would take this long and I know it will still take longer. I mean I have had so much anger inside of me. I lost that will to go on but there has just been a small nudge encouraging me to pursue what my purpose is in life. I have tried to bury myself in many things, but I ended up feeling worse for committing to them.
I continue to pray and trust that God will heal my broken heart and that you are part of the angel's choir singing ‘Great is thy Faithfulness’. Gosh you really loved this song. I hope that each day God will renew my strength and remind me why he had to take you so soon.
I miss you.
